Educating [CENSORED]

Ashley came into my house, went into the fridge, popped open a can of beer and sat down on my couch, as she usually does on a friday.
"You will not believe the day I had today", she said to me.
"Tell me about it. I have been trying to unlock characters in Mario Kart all day, but 150 cc is freakin' hard".
"So, we were asked to write a new homepage for the university. Today was the presentation. I showed up 30 minutes early, to set up the computer and the projector, and my Boss was already there. He was angry with me for now showing up an hour early, despite it only taking a few minutes to set it up. So I told my boss exactly what I throught of him. Just a long torrent of swears and insults. Like [CENSORED] and [VERY CENSORED] and [YOU BETTER BELIEVE CENSORED]".
"You don't say that about a guys grandmother. That is just plain wrong".
"Yeah, so in the middle of it, the president of the university showed up".
"He was early?"
"No, right on time. It was a lot of swears".
"Half an hour of insults?"
"No, he showed up in the middle of it. So, about an hour".
"So you were fired?"
"No, I quit. The president offered me a better job. The university is starting a new class: The Art of Insults and the Language of Swears. And I am the new teacher".
"No kiddin'?"
"Yep. Double my old salary".
"I don't see you as a teacher".
"I never even saw myself ever employed. I am a liberal arts major".
"By all rights you should be begging in the streets".
"Yep. But such is life. Cheers".

Are we men or are we mice?

I am certain that that is a question that could only be answered by ways of a Cheese-off. Whoever eats the most cheese, in relation to his weight, is clearly the mousier entity.

Updatin'

Julia: You get of your lazy bee-hind and update your blog!
Young: I don't wanna!
Julia: Millions of people depend on you for their weekly guffaw!
Young: No! And stop saying Guffaw.
Julia: Everybody missed you when you were on break. I was stopped by people in shops saying "Hey, when is that guy gonna update that blog".
Young: They did not. They asked "What is a blog?"
Julia: Everybody think that it is wicked cool.
Young: But I am busy.
Julia: With what?
Young: Learning the... guitar? Yeah, thats it. I am learning the guitar and have no time for blogging. Which reminds me, I need you to go buy guitarpicks.
Julia: Are you gonna send me way the heck out out town again just to get rid of me for a while.
Young: Of course not.
Julia: Can I pick where to buy the picks?
Young: No. There is great shop over in Springfield...
Julia: I knew it. That must be a hundred miles from here.
Young: 150 kilometers, give or take about 50 km.
Julia: Can't I cut up an old credit card instead?
Young: If you don't want to go to Springfield, there is a shop up in Maine...
Julia: I will go once I see the guitar.
Young: ...*tut*. I also need you to buy a guitar. That would really speed up my learning.
Julia: Nice try. Now update that blog, before your fans get nervous.
Young: Awwww...

Things of which I am certain #1

That everybody between the ages of 20-30 knows the entire themesong to the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animated TV-series by heart.

A rainy day

And it was rainy. Very much so. Like a tropic storm, but without the wind. So just heavy rain, really, now that I think about it.

Ashley: Yes, we get it. It is rainy outside. How long can you keep yappering about it?
Young: It is rainy, I agree. I would not like to be caught outside in weather like this.
Ashley: Where is Red at today?
Young: I sent her out of town for coffee.
Ashley: Out of town? How far out of town?
Young: 120 or so kilometers. They have a really good coffeeplace there.
Ashley: How will they even keep the coffee warm?
Young: I gave her a thermobox. And those Coffee of Doom-ladies know what they are doing, anyway.
Ashley: Coffee of Doom?
Young: So part of my coffee enjoyment comes from knowing that it comes from a cool-named place. Big deal.
Ashley: It is when you make your assistants drive halfway across the state for coffee.
Young: That is what she is paid for. Plus, she beat me at Mario Kart the other day, so I need to reaffirm that I am still the boss, even if I do have to call her Princess Julia of Rainbow Road for the next week.
Ashley: ... Rainy day.
Young: Indeed.

Celebrities will crush you!

Ashley: Who are your celebrity crushes?
Julia: Michael Swaim.
Ashley: Who is Michael Swaim?
Julia: A guy who is funny on the internet. I like him.
Young: Marlee Matlin.
Ashley: That deaf woman?
Young: Yep. Smart, funny, hot. What is not to love?
Mark: Mine is Lauren Bacall?
Ashley: The actress?
Mark: Yes.
Ashley: The 85 year old actress?
Mark: 84. I like my women sassy. I wrote her a letter once.
Julia: Did she write back?
Mark: Not technically.
Ashley: Technically?
Young: Tell them.
Mark: She had a restrainingorder put on me. I can't legally go within a thousand feet of her.
Julia: Who is your crush?
Ashley: George Clooney.
Young, Mark, Julia: Ew.
Ashley: What is wrong with George Clooney?
Julia: He is old and gross.
Ashley: He had Lauren Bacall!
Mark: Don't you dare say a bad word about Lauren. I don't want to hit a woman, but I swear to God...
Young: Down there, kid. Easy. Relax. Go to your happy place. Happy place.
Mark: Sorry. Sorry. I am a bit sensitive about Lauren, is all. I am sorry you had to see that.
Ashley: Thats alright, I guess.
Mark: Sorry.

A Thunderous Day

"Today is an ominous day", I said, as I was looking at the thunderstorm from my kitchenwindow.
"Do you want steak with steamed vegetables for dinner?" my assistant asked. I assumed that she had confused Ominous with Omnivore again.
"I said Ominous. It means scary and foreboding. Yep. Something is gonna go down today".
"It is just a thunderstorm. My mother told me, I shouldn't get scared. It is just a non-specific deity taking pictures of us". Julias mother was Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879 and her father was Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915, and early on they had decided that their children would be raised free of religious bickering.
"This is more than a Thunderstorm. This is big. Something is cooking".
"Cherry pie!" exclamationmarked my assistant. "It will be done in a little while".
I only heard half of what she said. I was distracted by a flock of seagulls flying above.
"Yep. Definently ominous. Even Denby packed up and went home early today". I took a sip from my teacup. "Definently".
My decided to call Grandpa. He usually knows ominous. When ominous is going down, his right knee begins to ache.
"Hi, grandma. How are you. Good, good. How is grandpas right knee? Yeah, the ominous one. Oh, that is good. His left? The Unannounced Visit from Aunt Annette And Family Early Warning Knee? Oy. Did you lock all doors, turn off the lights and retreat to the basement poolroom? Yes, the standard procedure. Good". And I put the phone back while I throught to myself. "Ominous indeed". I then turned to my assistant. "Now, about that pie..."

Evaluated

I hate court ordered psyciatric evaluation. I am never sure whether or not to play crazy or normal. My friends says to just be myself, and I am not entirely sure what they mean by that.

My psyciatrist is one of the Aquino twins. She used to be a medical doctor, like her brother, but she changed job when she discovered that she was terrified of blood. I have known her for years, because our mothers attend the same womens league, so I am actually not sure if this is entirely legal. I am gonna leave that up to her.

"What you need to realize is that there is nothing wrong with your parents", she said.
"Excuse me?" I said. I was slightly confused, because that was the first thing she said as she entered the room.
"'What you need..."
"I heard the words, I just think that it was well early in the conversation to jump to the diagnoses".
"Sorry. My teacher says that parents are the root of all mental issues, and I decided to get to the point fast".
"Aren't you paid by the hour?"
"Oh, right. Good thinking". She wrote something on her notepad.
"So, my parents, eh?" I said, in an attempt to get back on course.
"Yes. You need to learn that they are alright".
"Mommy is alright?"
"Yes".
"Daddy is alright?"
"Yes".
"They just seem a little weird".
"Exactly. You know what you need to do?"
"Surrender but not give myself away?"
"Say, that is not half bad. Mind if I use that?"
"It's a Cheap Trick".
"No, no, it is really good. I want to use it as a subtitle for a paper".
"Alright, knock yourself out".
"You keeping good company?"
"I like to think so. My assistant lives in one of the bedrooms, my neighbour comes over a lot and my friend Mark is this close to being another roommate, but I can't get the guy to pay rent, cheap bastard".
"What about romance. Are you seeing anyone?"
"Nope. Not a soul".
"Because I ran into Gretchen Cornberger the other day, and she mentioned that she was thinking about giving you a call".
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Until I mentioned that I was going to be in charge of your court-ordered psyciatric evaluation. Then she looked all weird".
"Dang! Are you allowed to tell who your patients are? Don't you have a whole ethics code?"
"I skipped a couple of ethics classes. I think the teacher hated me".
"Fair enough, I guess. Do you play Mario Kart?"

And so we did, since the court did pay for the full hour.

As I was saying...

I was relaxing with a quite game of The Sims, when my assistant and friends suddenly burged into my room, insisting that I stopped playing. For some reason they insisted that today is August seventh, and not late April. Of course, that is ridiculous. As if I could ever get caught up an a game for months at a time. Though, now that they mention it, I can't remember upgrading from Sims 1 to Sims 3. Wait, Sims 3 isn't released for a couple of months yet, is it? Did I upgrade sometime during today, months before the game is out? What time is it? Whoa, I played for nearly ten hours. Man, I need a break. You really does lose track of time. I think I will go see the news.

That is odd. The news says that this is August too. It must be some sort of mistake. That is probably why the guys are confused, because of that silly error. Maybe I should watch some of the Dailyshow I TIVOed last night. Whoa, that is a lot of unwatched Daily Show. I haven't seen it since... April? Hm. The Tivo is in error too. Even this here newspaper. Hm. Michael Jackson is in the news. Is he accused of playing hookey with any more... Nope, apparently not. I bet that Billy Mays is gonna be pushing a lot of Michael Jackson Memorial Plates, now. Oh...

Man, this was an eventfull morning.

Hm. I have a spare frame here. Maybe I should print out the cover of a Monkey Island game and put it in, as a cool thing to hang up. Let me just
google Monkey Island... DEAR SWEET LORD! TALES OF...

Gotta go. See ya in a couple of months. I gots me some catching up to do.

Gone on Vacation

Back shortly.

Intervention, I say, Intervention!

Hi. Julia here. My boss can't blog today. He got an illness. He is dependent on some old timey guy called Senator Claghorn and he keeps imitating him. He even attempted to buy confederate bonds, since he is certain that they will be very valuable once the south rises again. And I am not allowed to watch Foghorn Leghorn anymore. He says that it is wholesale stealing. Even though he keeps talking like Foghorn. So me, Mark and Ashley had an intervention, to put a stop to his old-timey shenanigans. It went well, I think. Except when it turned into an intervention for Mark to stop him from wearing tight pants. I am not sure how he turned the intervention around, but he managed it. That intervention went even better, except for when a crying Mark removed his pants and asked us to throw them away for him. Then me and Ashley went over to Marks apartment to burn all of his tight pants. Unfortunately, he had nothing but tight pants, so, now, Mark has nothing but his tighty whities. He doesn't seem to mind though. So, I guess that everybody is happy.

Hey, wait. We never got my boss to stop talking like Claghorn. I had completely forgotten about that. We should probably get on that.

The Content of my pockets after my last arrest

The local police officers finally located the crate of stuff that I had on my person when I was arrested. Due to a lack of stuff to write about, I have decided to just give you this.

1 25g EyePot filled with the music of Bhutanesian countrysinger Willie Döndrub and German Technoartists Der Krankenshaft. The back is engraved with the text "Crap Music for a Crap Player".

1 Unitranslator

1 German Dictionary from 1923

65 Q-tips

5 spray handcleaners

1 USB Cable

1 Lustiges Taschenbuch #250

1 roll of Dentalfloss

1 Comb

1 Glas

3 pair of glasses of various strenght

1 pair of Sunglasses

1 Viewfinder

1 Notebook.

1 note with the text "And Where is my Baby Bye Basket?"

1 peachflavoured Ice Tea

1 DVD "The Absolutely Faboulous Adventures of Magnus P. Tagmus

1 fake dogpoop

1 Guinness Glass

1 can of Guinness

1 wallet with an image of Che Guevara

$23.07

Everything is gonna be OK

Ashley: Hey, honey, I'm home.
Young: No mood for old timey references. For I am watching Lost.
Ashley: What is that?
Young: A TV show. About people on a weird island.
Ashley: Not the show. What is that in your hand?
Young: This? A coke.
Ashley: Don't give me that. Where did you get an OK Soda?
Young: I know a guy.
Ashley: You know a guy who can get you 15 year old sodas only released in limited markets?
Young: Actually, it is brand new.
Ashley: You know a guy who can get you brand new OK Sodas?
Young: Yep.
Ashley: They haven't made them since 1995!
Young: Yet, here we are.
Ashley: Alright, who do you know that can get you freshly brewed OK Soda?
Young: Revealing so would be a break of the Client/Shady Guy Who Can Get Anything priviledge and would prevent me from getting more of these.
Ashley: Who makes these fresh cans?
Young: A fair question and one that in recent weeks has been much on my mind. It is my considered opinion that it never left production, but but just got pulled from stores.
Ashley: And why would they make it and not sell it?
Young: Ah, another fair question. And one that I am still pondering. There are more in the downstairs fridge. Help yourself.
Ashley: Alright, but one of these days I am gonna have to demand some answers.
Young: I will ask Shady if he has any in stock.

Mr. Music Listener Man

Young: I think that Rick Astley was the greatest thing to come out of the eighties. Just listen to this. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down". Just classic.
Ashley: No, no. Madonna. Madonna is great. Put on a Madonna LP.
Mark: No, U2.
Julia: I don't know any of these guys. Except Madonna. "Music: Makes nananana and the nana. Naaaaaaa."
Young: I don't know that song and I don't have that album and I don't want it either. And if you ever hum that tune again, I will confiscate The Lady Margurite Singleton of Teddyburghshire. For a week.
Julia: Aw, don't do that. She never did anything to you.
Young: Alright, but don't sing that song. Ever again.

Scrabble Master

Mark: Alright, those were the last bricks, so, last round, everybody. I have... Nothing, really. I have this N, so I can write IN, here.
Ashley: I use that to write FRINGE. Note that.
Mark: Noted.
Julia: FLAPJACKS.
Young: QUIXOTIC.
Mark: Alright, let us tally up the score. Lessee, hm. I got 67 points. Why did we stop playing with double and tripple wordscore?
Young: Because no one wanted to keep score of it.
Mark: Oh yeah. Ashley got 88.
Ashley: Aw yeah. I am good.
Mark: And Young and Julia both got 99.
Young: Of courwait, what?
Mark: See for yourself. You both got 99 points.
Julia: Yay! I won.
Young: Not a victory.
Julia: In my opinion, yes it is.
Young: How did this happen?
Mark: I am not entirely sure.
Ashley: It is quite bizarre really.
Julia: I am the winner.
Ashley: It appears so.
Mark: I am gonna count again. Yep, 99 points each.
Young: DAMMIT!
Julia: I won!

Getting drunk on life. And booze.

Ashley: No, no more, no more. Right, just a finger. Alright, two fingers. Four fingers. Six. Eight.
Young: There can't be eight fingers of alcohol in that glas, even if you stack your hands on top of each other.
Ashley: *Pouts*. You need bigger glasses.
Young: What, like Urkel?
Ashley: Drinkingglasses. You know what I mean.
Young: Yeah, I do, don't I.
Mark: Alright, who hasn't tried some sort of mixture?
Julia: I haven't tried red wine with that one.
Mark: Alrighty... Here you go.
Julia: Thanky.
Mark: So, what does it taste like.
Julia: This is the worst thing I have ever tasted.
Young: You should try Marks mouthwash drink.
Ashley: Wassat then?
Young: It is vodka and coughdrops. It tastes just like mouthwash.
Ashley: Can I have some?
Mark: Sorry, it has to soak for a few days.
Ashley: So you need to plan your drinking day.
Mark: Exactly. Write it in your calender.
Young: On the seventh, meeting with the boss, pick up drycleaning, buy stamps, get drunk.
Julia: Why can't I get the taste out of my mouth?
Young: That is exactly what I asked. "Mark, I said a week later. "Why can I still taste mouthwash?".
Ashley: The worst drink I ever had was vodka and wheatgrass.
Young: Ah, a lawnmower.
Ashley: My ex really loved the Simpsons.
Mark: Beer and Cola.
Young: Hey, I love beer and Cola.
Ashley: Hey, who is up for Scrabble?
Mark: Hey, yeah, with him drunk, we might have a chance.
Young: Fat chance.

I have come to a disappointing conclusion

I just don't have the time or the stamina to update twice a week. It was a nice experiment and it was nice that it was able to last nearly three months, but, as of Friday, I will return to a once-a-week updating schedual. At one point, I actually contemplated that if this went well, I was gonna go over to a thrice a week schedual next year, but alas. It was either this, or completely abandon this blog, and I didn't want to disappoint my no doubt millions of loving fans. Plus, I kind of think that I got a good thing going now.

When Opposites meet.

Mark: What is the opposite of... The Smurfs.
Young: The Jolly Green Giant. No, wait. The Hulk, because he is also angry. The opposite of dinosaurs?
Mark: Teddy Bears. They are small, furry and cuddly.
Young: I Challenge. Because they are not alive and are therefore in a different catagory. The opposite of Dinosaurs are koalas.
Mark: Damn. Points for you. What is the score?
Young: 17 to 15.
Mark: The jury is still out on the whole Fish/Centipede thing.
Young: Oh yeah. Julia? Where are you on the Fish-thing?
Julia: Fish and centipedes are opposites. Elephants are the opposite of ants.
Young: Told ya.
Mark: Dang. 17-15 then.
Young: Whose turn is it?
Mark: I just answered, so it must be me.
Young: But I answered the question... We should have written down the rules in advance.
Mark: Flip a coin.
Young: Heads or tails?
Mark: Yes please.
Young:... Shut up and say something.
Mark: Heads.
Young: Badiiiiing! Heads.
Mark: The Opposite of V?
Young: Chancellor Susan.
Mark: What?
Young: What what?
Mark: The Letter V.
Young: Oh. A. No. 8.
Mark: Very well.

Lunch on my lawn part 2

In the last episode:

Ashley: A picnic.
Young: By the power of Greyskull!
Julia: You don't have a periscope.

And now:

Young: No idea. But I am pretty sure that she did a loke of cocain in the eighties.
Ashley: Aha.
Young: ... I was gonna ask something, but I forgot what.
Ashley: What they are doing on your lawn?
Young: Oh, right. What are they doing on my lawn?
Ashley: Should we ask?
Young: Should we tell Julia to ask?
Ashley: ... Jules? Get over here? Go ask those two why they are here?
Julia: Oke-Doke.

A minute later.

Julia: They are having a picnic.
Young: Why on my lawn?
Julia: ... Hold on.

A minute later.

Julia: To show that he has changed into a wellrounded individual and that he has forgiven you for that thing that he thinks that you did but you didn't.
Young: Okay. Hold on. Hey Denby, I never slept with your daughter.
Ashley: Whoa, I didn't think that that would make him angry.
Young: Several months of therapy for nothing. Well, that is what happens, some times.
Ashley: So, why did you have to tell him?
Young: Idunno. Wanna play Ice Climber?
Ashley: Sure. Hey, do you think that that was enough to drive Denby insane again?
Young: If not, I am gonna send Mark over to their house to score Angela. While distracting Denby with some sort of male stripper. And leave a joker, so that he thinks I was there.
Ashley: Why a joker?
Young: It was the sign I used when I played pranks on Denby, when I worked for him. I stole the idea from Batman.
Ashley: Fair enough. Can I be the pink one?
Young: Of course.

Lunch on my lawn? That is unacceptable!

Ashley: Hey, guys. Have you looked out at your front-yard recently?
Young: Can't say that I have. Why? Anything interesting going on?
Ashley: Denby is having a picnic with his wife.
Young: Denby?
Ashley: Yeah.
Young: By the power of Greyskull, he has returned. He must be stohold up. A picnic with Mrs. Denby? On my lawn? Julia, get my periskope!
Julia: You don't have a periscope.
Young: Do I have binoculars?
Julia: Yes, but you don't need them, since they are right outside.
Young: In that case, lead me to the window!
Julia: Over there.
Young: Thank you. Why yes, that does appear to be a picnic. In late february. What is he up to?
Ashley: A picnic.
Young: He spotted us!
Ashley: Hey, he is waving. Should I wave back?
Young: No, just look suspeciosly at him.
Ashley: How old is Mrs. Denby?
Young: 'bout 45, I think.
Ashley: She looks pretty good.
Young: She used to be a model.
Ashley: Really?
Young: Yeah. Winnifred Margareth Harper.
Ashley: How come she married Denby.


Will Young know the answer to that particular question? Tune in next time!

Mulder and Scully VS. Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby. Man, that is a long title.

If I needed to make the choice, I would rather watch Scooby Doo than X-Files. Don't get me wrong. I love X-Files. And not just because of that concentrated hotness that is Gillian Anderson. It is a brilliant and, for the first five or so seasons at least, wellwritten show. But, if I have to pick my favourite show about people chasing monsters, give me Scooby Doo. Sure, it was formulaic and cheaply animated, but, come on. Scooby Doo! Not just because I got the same hairdue as Shaggy, or because I am growing a chinbeard, or because my friends are a tall guy, a readhead and a nerdy chick with glasses. And a dog. No. And not because in ten minutes I will distracting Mark while Julia runs out to his van and write Mystery Machine on it. And we will solve mysteries from the comfort of my home. And me and Sandy will run up and down the corridore. And then, we will eat.

I know that I had a point when I started this, but I cannot remember what it was, so there.

I had a dream...

I had a dream, last night, where I was a superhero. But I wasn't especially helpfull, so, actually, it is debatable how much I was a hero. I didn't have any superpowers, so, technically, I wasn't super either. Now that I think of it, I am not even sure if it was a dream. Come to think of it, I might have fallen asleep during an episode of Friends, so it might not actually have been a dream, as much as sleepily absorbing it. That would explain why my dream wasn't that entertaining.

All in all, as far as dreams go, that would be a solid low. My favourite is still the one with Pinhead, from Hellraiser, driving a powder-blue sportscar. I can't remember the rest, but from there, it can't be all bad.

Something weird is going on

Julia here. My boss is acting weird. Dr. Aquino said that she had filled TicTacs in a large, empty, pillbottle and given it to my boss, and that is why he is acting strange. I can see point A and I can see point B but I really can't connect them. The Doctor says that I shouldn't tell him, though, and she is the Doctor, so, I better ignore him. She will bring a new presciption around every few weeks, so at least we have TicTacs in the house.

Just what the doctor ordered!

One of the Aquino twins were just over. That is the name if my doctors. She diagnosed me with a light cold, that should blow over in a couple of days. I insisted, though, and she gave me some pills. Oxyphentynontylite. And, I feel much better already. I feel light as a cloud. I haven't felt this good in a long time. This is good.

Feelin' sick

My throat feels skratchy. I think that I might be coming down with something. Like, bubonic plague. Or, smallpox. Is smallpox still around? I hope that it is not smallpox. What are the symptoms? Skratchy throat? Is skratchy throat a symptom? I would go check Wikipedia, but I had to stop going there. Seems I was picking up new phobias. Is my voice turning hoarse? No, I am just being informed that my voice has always sounded like this. And she is sure that my voice was never anywhere like James Earl Jones'. But I will deny the accusations that it is more like Daffy Duck's. Is my hand shaking? I am being told that it is not. Is it shaking? I think that it is shaking. My vision is getting blurry. My assistant just handed me my glasses. It was blurry without them, though.

I should call the doctor. I need a doctor. A good one, with an anti-plague cure.

Watching the Neighbourhood

Ashley: Seriously, is that necessary?
Young: They keywords in Neighbourhood Watch is Watch... And Neighbourhood.
Ashley: But people don't want to be spied on with a telescope. It makes them feel uncomfortable.
Young: Neighbourhood Watch. Hey, Mrs. Fenwick didn't clean up after her dog! Attention Mrs. Fenwick. Clean up after Poochy. I will not warn twice.
Ashley: That is another thing.
Young: What, the megaphone?
Ashley: That, and the potato-cannon.
Young: Is this because I shot it at your sister when she did that lousy parking yesterday?
Ashley: Partly. With the power invested in my by Old Man Wickles, I hereby relieve you off all neighbourhood watch duty.
Young: You can't do that!
Ashley: Old Man Wickles said I could.
Young: Old Man Wickles also says that dogs can't look up.
Ashley: So what?
Young: Bah. I am gonna start my own neighbourhood watch. With black-jack and slots.
Ashley: With what?
Young: Onearmed Bandits.
Ashley: Oh. No you can't. This area with not zoned for casinoes.
Young: Then I will just watch my own house. It will be safe from trespassers and non-poop-pickuppers. You hear that Jules.
Julia: Yes, no trespassing. And no no-poop-pickup-in-a-tiny-bag-to-be-disposed-of-properlying inside these four walls.

Neighbourhood Watch

There has been a couple of break-ins in the neighbourhood. Of course, with me being a convicted criminal, suspicion fell on me. That theory sort of fell together when it was realised that I cannot leave the house without all the police in town arriving at my door. Granted, that is two people, but still. They have not registered any sort of outdoors activity. All my tennis have been limited to Wii. Before I was locked up, I never played Tennis.

Anyway, it was decided to start a neighbourhood-watch-group. So, that if anyone sees something suspecious, they call the police. [Sarcasm]Because, ordinarily, people would just go "meh" and let the criminals work in peace[/Sarcasm]. Anyway, they asked Old Man Wickles to be the leader. He is a retired cop, who now spends his days telling neighbourhood kids to get off his lawn. And of me to stop shooting my potatocannon out the window. He has about equal luck with both of those tasks. So, if he can tell criminals to get of other peoples lawns too, I think that he will be happy.

A betlosin' man.

Ashley: Hi there. Whatcha doing?
Young: Just the regular. Nothing spectacular.
Ashley: ...Are you alright?
Young: Just peachy and fine. All of the time.
Ashley: Why are you rhyming?
Young: I lost a bet. Now I am feeding the pet.
Ashley: You lost a bet and now has to feed the dog? Where does the rhyming come in?
Young: The pet thing was just to find a rhyme. The wager was, rhyme all the time.
Ashley: You are good at rhyming.
Young: My grandparents write songs of protest, it is just what they do. I once helped them write one for Peru.
Ashley: Whatever. Wanna play Mario Kart?
Young: Verily, thy butt will be kicked and names be took. The Princess is no match for Wario, the lovable crook.
Ashley: Names be took?
Young: I will admit, the rhyme wasn't good. "Names be took" my left foot.
Ashley: Mario Kart?
Young: DoubleDash, here I come. The master of speed and the drinker of rum.
Ashley: If you wanna play, shut up.

A bettin' man.

Julia: Nah-ah. You are wrong!
Young: I am not. I am very correct.
Julia: Nope. You missed one.
Young: Zummi, Grammi, Gruffy, Tommi, Sunni, Cubbi, Gusto, Cavin, Gregor, Calla, Igthorn, and Toadie. Those were all the regular characters.
Julia: If there is something I know, it is cartoons about cuddly bears. And you missed a regular character.
Young: Wanna bet?
Julia: How much?
Young: How much do you want to part with?
Julia: The loser has to go around in nothing but underwear all day.
Young: I have no interest in watching you in your underwear.
Julia: The loser has to talk in rhyme for an entire day.
Young: Deal.
Julia: Tuxford.
Young:... DANG IT!
Julia: *Ahem*
Young: *Sigh*. I appear to have lost the bet. I forgot about him, darn my forgetsome head.

Face your Manga!

In what I can only assume was a massive explosion of boredom, Julia made these, of the regular characters in my on-going story, on some website.

Me. Though, I rarely dress that nicely. And my hairdue is more in the area of... Chaos.
Julia. Nicely dressed. She says "thank you".
Ashley. Wearing her very favourite T-shirt.
Mark. Looking somewhat like a quarterback.

Though, anyone who has tried it knows how hard it is to make it look like yourself. So, it doesn't really look like anyone, so I am not sure why I even posted it.

It is being brought to my attention that it is because I have to post twice a week. Thank you.

Welcome doggie.

Ashley: Hey, that is a nice dog. She is so cute!
Julia: Thank you.
Ashley: What is her name?
Young: Sandy.
Ashley: That is a great name for a dog. We used to have a dog called Butch, when I was a child. That was a great dog.
Young: What was that dog named after?
Ashley: Nothing. We just throught that it was a good name for a dog. Did name your dog after something?
Young:...
Julia:...
Young: "Sandy Frank"
Julia: "Sandy Frank"
Young and Julia: "He's the source of all our pain"
Young: "Sandy Frank"
Julia: "Sandy Frank"
Young and Julia: "Gads about the house all day"
Ashley: Ye Gods. For that, you owe me a beer.
Young: In the fridge. I only got Guiness... "Sandy Frank"
Julia: "Sandy Frank"
Young and Julia: "Spielberg won't return his calls"...

Another new resident

Julia: Hey, Young...
Young: I told you how I want to be referred to.
Julia: I am not gonna call you Mistah Boss-man. I won that bet.
Young: Fair enough. What is it, (*Shudder*) Milady.
Julia: Well, I have this friend and her and her boyfriend just broke up and, y'know, they had this...
Young: Proceed.
Julia: Well, they had, well, she still has, this labrador.
Young: An eskimo?
Julia: No, a dog.
Young: Ah.
Julia: Anyway, she has this labrador and she can't have it anymore, because she is moving into an apartment with this guy named Jan, which is funny, because her name is Jan too, and Jan, the boy Jan, he has a cat, which is allowed in the apartment provided that they stay indoors, but dogs are not allowed, so I was wondering...
Young: Is it yellow?
Julia: Yes?
Young: Yes, we can have a dog.
Julia: Yay! Can I give you a hug!
Young: No.
Julia: ...
Young: ...
Julia: ...
Young: Okay, a short one.
Julia: Yay! ... Hey, wait a minute, is the only reason that you allow this that I have to walk the dog, because you can't leave the house?
Young: Partly. And because if I smell even the faintest whiff or poop indoors, I will personally sell the dog to a loving family. So, if it has an accident, you better be around to fix it before I enter the room.
Julia: Yes Sir!
Young: Thats more like it.

Year Two: A new Year

So, I was sitting around, minding my own business, watching Monty Python, when this little redheaded girl came over to me and said "Hey, did you remember to update your blog?". I said "I will do it in the new year". Well, apparently, we are not on chinese new year. Yes, it came as a surprise for me too. And what is worse, I am not chinese, apparently. Just a white guy of european origin. Probably scandinavian.



So, anyway, I will try to be better at updating this year.