Ashley: Who are your celebrity crushes?
Julia: Michael Swaim.
Ashley: Who is Michael Swaim?
Julia: A guy who is funny on the internet. I like him.
Young: Marlee Matlin.
Ashley: That deaf woman?
Young: Yep. Smart, funny, hot. What is not to love?
Mark: Mine is Lauren Bacall?
Ashley: The actress?
Mark: Yes.
Ashley: The 85 year old actress?
Mark: 84. I like my women sassy. I wrote her a letter once.
Julia: Did she write back?
Mark: Not technically.
Ashley: Technically?
Young: Tell them.
Mark: She had a restrainingorder put on me. I can't legally go within a thousand feet of her.
Julia: Who is your crush?
Ashley: George Clooney.
Young, Mark, Julia: Ew.
Ashley: What is wrong with George Clooney?
Julia: He is old and gross.
Ashley: He had Lauren Bacall!
Mark: Don't you dare say a bad word about Lauren. I don't want to hit a woman, but I swear to God...
Young: Down there, kid. Easy. Relax. Go to your happy place. Happy place.
Mark: Sorry. Sorry. I am a bit sensitive about Lauren, is all. I am sorry you had to see that.
Ashley: Thats alright, I guess.
Mark: Sorry.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
A Thunderous Day
"Today is an ominous day", I said, as I was looking at the thunderstorm from my kitchenwindow.
"Do you want steak with steamed vegetables for dinner?" my assistant asked. I assumed that she had confused Ominous with Omnivore again.
"I said Ominous. It means scary and foreboding. Yep. Something is gonna go down today".
"It is just a thunderstorm. My mother told me, I shouldn't get scared. It is just a non-specific deity taking pictures of us". Julias mother was Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879 and her father was Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915, and early on they had decided that their children would be raised free of religious bickering.
"This is more than a Thunderstorm. This is big. Something is cooking".
"Cherry pie!" exclamationmarked my assistant. "It will be done in a little while".
I only heard half of what she said. I was distracted by a flock of seagulls flying above.
"Yep. Definently ominous. Even Denby packed up and went home early today". I took a sip from my teacup. "Definently".
My decided to call Grandpa. He usually knows ominous. When ominous is going down, his right knee begins to ache.
"Hi, grandma. How are you. Good, good. How is grandpas right knee? Yeah, the ominous one. Oh, that is good. His left? The Unannounced Visit from Aunt Annette And Family Early Warning Knee? Oy. Did you lock all doors, turn off the lights and retreat to the basement poolroom? Yes, the standard procedure. Good". And I put the phone back while I throught to myself. "Ominous indeed". I then turned to my assistant. "Now, about that pie..."
"Do you want steak with steamed vegetables for dinner?" my assistant asked. I assumed that she had confused Ominous with Omnivore again.
"I said Ominous. It means scary and foreboding. Yep. Something is gonna go down today".
"It is just a thunderstorm. My mother told me, I shouldn't get scared. It is just a non-specific deity taking pictures of us". Julias mother was Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879 and her father was Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915, and early on they had decided that their children would be raised free of religious bickering.
"This is more than a Thunderstorm. This is big. Something is cooking".
"Cherry pie!" exclamationmarked my assistant. "It will be done in a little while".
I only heard half of what she said. I was distracted by a flock of seagulls flying above.
"Yep. Definently ominous. Even Denby packed up and went home early today". I took a sip from my teacup. "Definently".
My decided to call Grandpa. He usually knows ominous. When ominous is going down, his right knee begins to ache.
"Hi, grandma. How are you. Good, good. How is grandpas right knee? Yeah, the ominous one. Oh, that is good. His left? The Unannounced Visit from Aunt Annette And Family Early Warning Knee? Oy. Did you lock all doors, turn off the lights and retreat to the basement poolroom? Yes, the standard procedure. Good". And I put the phone back while I throught to myself. "Ominous indeed". I then turned to my assistant. "Now, about that pie..."
Friday, August 14, 2009
Evaluated
I hate court ordered psyciatric evaluation. I am never sure whether or not to play crazy or normal. My friends says to just be myself, and I am not entirely sure what they mean by that.
My psyciatrist is one of the Aquino twins. She used to be a medical doctor, like her brother, but she changed job when she discovered that she was terrified of blood. I have known her for years, because our mothers attend the same womens league, so I am actually not sure if this is entirely legal. I am gonna leave that up to her.
"What you need to realize is that there is nothing wrong with your parents", she said.
"Excuse me?" I said. I was slightly confused, because that was the first thing she said as she entered the room.
"'What you need..."
"I heard the words, I just think that it was well early in the conversation to jump to the diagnoses".
"Sorry. My teacher says that parents are the root of all mental issues, and I decided to get to the point fast".
"Aren't you paid by the hour?"
"Oh, right. Good thinking". She wrote something on her notepad.
"So, my parents, eh?" I said, in an attempt to get back on course.
"Yes. You need to learn that they are alright".
"Mommy is alright?"
"Yes".
"Daddy is alright?"
"Yes".
"They just seem a little weird".
"Exactly. You know what you need to do?"
"Surrender but not give myself away?"
"Say, that is not half bad. Mind if I use that?"
"It's a Cheap Trick".
"No, no, it is really good. I want to use it as a subtitle for a paper".
"Alright, knock yourself out".
"You keeping good company?"
"I like to think so. My assistant lives in one of the bedrooms, my neighbour comes over a lot and my friend Mark is this close to being another roommate, but I can't get the guy to pay rent, cheap bastard".
"What about romance. Are you seeing anyone?"
"Nope. Not a soul".
"Because I ran into Gretchen Cornberger the other day, and she mentioned that she was thinking about giving you a call".
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Until I mentioned that I was going to be in charge of your court-ordered psyciatric evaluation. Then she looked all weird".
"Dang! Are you allowed to tell who your patients are? Don't you have a whole ethics code?"
"I skipped a couple of ethics classes. I think the teacher hated me".
"Fair enough, I guess. Do you play Mario Kart?"
And so we did, since the court did pay for the full hour.
My psyciatrist is one of the Aquino twins. She used to be a medical doctor, like her brother, but she changed job when she discovered that she was terrified of blood. I have known her for years, because our mothers attend the same womens league, so I am actually not sure if this is entirely legal. I am gonna leave that up to her.
"What you need to realize is that there is nothing wrong with your parents", she said.
"Excuse me?" I said. I was slightly confused, because that was the first thing she said as she entered the room.
"'What you need..."
"I heard the words, I just think that it was well early in the conversation to jump to the diagnoses".
"Sorry. My teacher says that parents are the root of all mental issues, and I decided to get to the point fast".
"Aren't you paid by the hour?"
"Oh, right. Good thinking". She wrote something on her notepad.
"So, my parents, eh?" I said, in an attempt to get back on course.
"Yes. You need to learn that they are alright".
"Mommy is alright?"
"Yes".
"Daddy is alright?"
"Yes".
"They just seem a little weird".
"Exactly. You know what you need to do?"
"Surrender but not give myself away?"
"Say, that is not half bad. Mind if I use that?"
"It's a Cheap Trick".
"No, no, it is really good. I want to use it as a subtitle for a paper".
"Alright, knock yourself out".
"You keeping good company?"
"I like to think so. My assistant lives in one of the bedrooms, my neighbour comes over a lot and my friend Mark is this close to being another roommate, but I can't get the guy to pay rent, cheap bastard".
"What about romance. Are you seeing anyone?"
"Nope. Not a soul".
"Because I ran into Gretchen Cornberger the other day, and she mentioned that she was thinking about giving you a call".
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Until I mentioned that I was going to be in charge of your court-ordered psyciatric evaluation. Then she looked all weird".
"Dang! Are you allowed to tell who your patients are? Don't you have a whole ethics code?"
"I skipped a couple of ethics classes. I think the teacher hated me".
"Fair enough, I guess. Do you play Mario Kart?"
And so we did, since the court did pay for the full hour.
Friday, August 7, 2009
As I was saying...
I was relaxing with a quite game of The Sims, when my assistant and friends suddenly burged into my room, insisting that I stopped playing. For some reason they insisted that today is August seventh, and not late April. Of course, that is ridiculous. As if I could ever get caught up an a game for months at a time. Though, now that they mention it, I can't remember upgrading from Sims 1 to Sims 3. Wait, Sims 3 isn't released for a couple of months yet, is it? Did I upgrade sometime during today, months before the game is out? What time is it? Whoa, I played for nearly ten hours. Man, I need a break. You really does lose track of time. I think I will go see the news.
That is odd. The news says that this is August too. It must be some sort of mistake. That is probably why the guys are confused, because of that silly error. Maybe I should watch some of the Dailyshow I TIVOed last night. Whoa, that is a lot of unwatched Daily Show. I haven't seen it since... April? Hm. The Tivo is in error too. Even this here newspaper. Hm. Michael Jackson is in the news. Is he accused of playing hookey with any more... Nope, apparently not. I bet that Billy Mays is gonna be pushing a lot of Michael Jackson Memorial Plates, now. Oh...
Man, this was an eventfull morning.
Hm. I have a spare frame here. Maybe I should print out the cover of a Monkey Island game and put it in, as a cool thing to hang up. Let me just
google Monkey Island... DEAR SWEET LORD! TALES OF...
Gotta go. See ya in a couple of months. I gots me some catching up to do.
That is odd. The news says that this is August too. It must be some sort of mistake. That is probably why the guys are confused, because of that silly error. Maybe I should watch some of the Dailyshow I TIVOed last night. Whoa, that is a lot of unwatched Daily Show. I haven't seen it since... April? Hm. The Tivo is in error too. Even this here newspaper. Hm. Michael Jackson is in the news. Is he accused of playing hookey with any more... Nope, apparently not. I bet that Billy Mays is gonna be pushing a lot of Michael Jackson Memorial Plates, now. Oh...
Man, this was an eventfull morning.
Hm. I have a spare frame here. Maybe I should print out the cover of a Monkey Island game and put it in, as a cool thing to hang up. Let me just
google Monkey Island... DEAR SWEET LORD! TALES OF...
Gotta go. See ya in a couple of months. I gots me some catching up to do.
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