A new year

Seven o' clock in the evening, December 31st, 2007. Only a few hours left of this year. Lots of things have happened since the last time we were here. A lot of good, a lot of bad. I hope that the new year will have most of the former, both for me and all of you.

On African-American as an expression

I always felt that African-American was a strange expression. It is an attempt at political correctness that fails spectacularly, because it relies on the false assumption that all black people comes from Africa.

Plus, technically, Charlize Theron is African-American, so, again, it relies on the false assumption that all African-Americans are black.



That is all. As you were.

Muslims, you want to know why you have such a bad reputation

I am not talking to all muslims, don't worry. I have good friends who belong to that fate. I am not sure what specific version of it they belong to, but that is not important right now.

There are some of you, you know who you are, who have sort of a weird sense of logic. Basicly, you blow stuff up. Not for freedom, but for religion, because some snotball told you that that was what God wanted. You kill civilians because someone has twisted some part of the Koran into saying that Allah appreciates it. First of all, if there is a God, and if he is Allah, I doubt that he would like innocents being killed in his name.

In fact, I am pretty sure that claiming it to be His will is to use his name in vain, putting words in the mouth of this Lord, and I am know that he would not like that. Think about that.

So, you are just fucking it up for the rest of the muslims, to sum it up.

I do not believe in a God, though I am open to the idea. I believe in freedom. I will not respect the self serving theocracy that you want instated. I cannot respect a country where homosexuality is punishable by death and atheists have no right to live. I cannot tolerate a country where reporters are routinely locked up for disagreeing with the govorment, a country that ruins the most basic human rights, if they are not in line with the govorments twisted view on their religion. A country that supports supression of women and torture of prisoners. Yeah, it sounds bad when you are actually told what you are fighting for, doesn't it?

CAP is only one letter from another word that means the same

Got Seinfeld season 3 on DVD. No time for writing much.

CAPalert. The CAP is for ChildCare Action Project. They review movies based on how "moral" they think that they are, based on their religious views. They have a "wisdom" scale, for:

Wanton Violence/Crime
Impudence/Hate
Sex
Drugs/Alcohol
Offence to God
Murder/Suicide

I tell you what, they should go through the bible and review it the same way. Then they can talk.

Cinematic Titanic

Have you heard of this? It is the original stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000, one of the funniest shows ever, Joel Hogdson, Trace Beaulieu and J. Elvis Weinstein, formerly known as Josh, plus, two later additions, Mary Jo Pehl and "TV's Frank" Connif. They are once again riffing on bad movies, with themselves in sillouette. I have only seen the trailer, which was pretty funny, as there is not yet a download on their movie, which doesn't really matter, as it is not available to buy in Denmark. A rights issue.

No skin of my back. I got Rifftrax. Which, by the way, is manned by the three replacements in the theater, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett. And which I know for a fact to be hillarious. In Rifftrax, you don't need to buy an entire DVD with commentary. You just get the commentary, on an MP3 file. How do you watch it? You buy your own damn DVD, you lazy bum. They can't do everything, for you.

Though I cannot help shake the feeling that Cinematic Titanic is riding the coattails of Rifftrax, who have been operating for nearly two years now. Granted, Hogdson invented the concept of pre-riffed movies, but Nelson have brought it back, while Hogdson have been missing in action since 1993. But, I guess that it is good with a little competition, especially in a narrow field like this.

In the end, I think that this will be a battle with no losers. Except for me, who cannot buy Cinematic Titanic, due to geographical problems. So, more Rifftrax to me, more money to Mike and none for Joel. So far.

Cult of the asshole

Apparently, being a jerk has evolved into a sport. I saw something on the news, about something called "bum fun". While that may sound like an enjoyable passtime, if you are so inclined, it has nothing to do with anal sex. It is about mocking homeless people on camera, making them do stunts, fight, or even just filming them while they are in pain, occasionally for cash, but the monetary exchange is not the issue here. It is humiliating poor people in front of an audience, a practice that we were supposed to have grown out of in 1788.

It is a minor thing, in what I call, the cult of the asshole. Some bizarre subgroup of jerks, asswipe, pricks and other assorted idiots, who worships the highest order of asshole. It is a theory that I first conceived of, a few weeks back, after that finnish guy shot up his school. I never bothered to look at his youtube account, because that would be bowing to his demands, to be noticed, and indirectly give meaning to what he did, but anyway, I read somewhere that people was acting as if he was a hero.

I have news to those people. Taking guns and shooting at unarmed people, that has absolutely nothing to do with heroism. It is not in the same ballpark, it is not in the same league, it is not in the same city, it is not even the same game. If we imagine that being a hero is, say, tennis, shooting innocent, unarmed people would be... wearing steeltipped boots and stomping on kittens tied down. Hey, if hunting is a sport, why not kitten-stomping.

I read about a small girl who saved her entire family from a fire. She is a hero. The guy, in New York, who saved another guy from getting hit by a train by holding him down under the train? Hero, right there. Then there are the career heroes, cops, firefighters, ambulance drivers, doctors, nurses, and the likes, whose entire jobdescription goes "Save people and/or property".
Harris and Klebold killed 12 people and wounded 23 others. Do you see the difference? Goddamn right. They are the villains of the story. The finnish guy was a villain, the Virginia Tech guy was a villain. They are not to be looked up to. They are not to be glorified. They are to be looked down upon, while standing next to Hitler, Pol Pot and others like them, while history brands them as the murdering assholes that they were.

We had an incident in Denmark, a month or two ago, where a 15 year old killed a man, then actually pulled him over to the streetlights, so he got a better light, filming it on his cellphone. Then he sent it to his friends. He was caught within a day, no thanks to the friends, who refused to talk to the police, despite having known who did it, since shortly after he did it.

Which brings me directly to Happy Slapping. People filming themselves, physically hurting another human being. It does not get much more despicable than that.

So, in conclusion: Assholes? Fuck you. Fuck you and your friends. I wish you nothing but bad things in life, and if I am not hoping what you have done will happen to you, it is solely because I do not want it to happen ever again, people being hurt for a cheap laugh or a school being shot to pieces by an insane jerk. So, fuck off, and never have children, because the last thing that this world needs, is more people like you.

Shit, I am too angry to continue writing this. I will just post the first draft, change it if I feel like it.

Some weird people out there

I have seen a lot of strange things out there, on the mighty internet. There are asians, doing things with fruit, there are people stretching their rectums and taking photos of it. I have seen a mangina, and it scarred me for life, damn you, Buck. People can be turned on by everything, apparently. Though, being turned on by a man with a Vagina is, I guess, just homosexuality in disguise, or at least bicuriosity.

But, I digress. What I want to talk about is my recent interest in cartoon porn. Purely from a comedy viewpoint. Have you ever seen cartoon porn? It is hilarious. Drawn by people who have, apparently, only seen a picture of the subjects for a few seconds, resulting in something that sort of looks like the characters, but not really. It is the least erotic pictures that you are ever likely to find. At best, it is unerotic, at worst, it is downright disturbing. Nothing hot about a 10 feet tall Homer Simpson boning a two foot Lisa with a six foot penis. And, apparently, there are a lot of people interested in the sexlife of Fred Flintstone. Flintstones, Simpsons and various Disney-characters, especially Jasmin, seems to be the main-targets, with the occasional Futurama and Family Guy. It seems to be made somewhere in asia, because it is always translated weird, in some kind of stilted fashion. I imagine it spoken, in some sort of robotic, semi-asian way.

It is following another great cartoon tradition, Tijuana Bibles. Small leaflets of cartoon porn, from the twenties, and all the way up to the fifties, when it eventually lost to real nude women, who was starting to appear in magasines. Back then, Popeye was apparently the guy that most people wanted to see humping. And the occasional real life celebrity. I have seen one starring Dillinger.

But, as someone once said, looking at porn is like reading a cookbook without eating anything. In that case, cartoon porn is like a badly drawn baguette, with a sodomized baby in the middle, and who wants to eat that? Well, if surfing on the internet has taught me anything, lots of people.

Found on Paris Hiltons answeringmachine...

"Hello, Paris? This is Satan. We are a little worried about you having sold us your eternal soul for fame and actingroles and a CD contract, because, you know, we are starting to hear rumours about you not being in possesion of any kind of a soul, so, uh, if you could just call back, and we could get this whole thing sorted out, that would be great, thanks."

Another bored day

I need to write more. I love writing, and, according to every teacher I have ever had, I have always had a flair for it. But I don't do it enough. I need a goal, and to write this blog, every once in a while, hopefully often, might just be that goal. I feel better when I am writing, like I actually feel like I accomplished something. Or at least I will look busy, to the untrained eye. Hehe. Stupid untrained eye. Guess you should have practiced more.

So, I should probably tell you what the blog should be about, but I have no idea. Hopefully, something will turn up. Perhaps just rambling like this, perhaps a couple of short stories. Perhaps my political standpoints. Who knows.

The title has nothing to do with some kind of cunning plan to eventually introduce something to do with freeze framing, no. It is the title of an old Road Runner cartoon. I don't know why, but I liked the title. At any rate, it sounded better than "Chariots of Fur" or "Fast And Furry-ous", which would probably attract the wrong crowd. The very wrong crowd, indeed. So, as someone called Uncle Ed apparently used to say, see you 'round like a donut.