Rent-a-Room

Ashley: I got this really big huge pretty-please-with-sugar on favour I need to ask.
Young: Ask away.
Ashley: You got this empty room that you don't use, right?
Young: I got two of them, why?
Ashley: Well, my parents sort of own the house I live in now, and now that I earn well, they either want me to buy it or leave so they can sell it. And I can't afford to buy and maintain a house, even if I earn pretty well, and I have been looking for apartments, but they are all a million miles away, or real crapholes, meaning that I would have a two hour commute to work or live in a craphole, but if I rent from you, I stay in town, with a fifteen minute drive.
Young: Oh, alright, Julia will hand you the official renters manual.
Ashley: Renters manual?
Young: Yes. A 350 page tome of rules, regulations, pricing, cleaning scheduals, dog walking scheduals, and music and words I do not tolerate under my roof. And if you plan on having sex, we need to be notified, to prepare ourselves for the oncoming storm of potential sex-noises. Moans, slaps, strange noises, what have you.
Ashley: Fine. Deal. Whatever. Wait, you wrote a 350 page manual just for Julia?
Young: Don't be silly. Julia is not a renter. She gets free room and board. Because she works for me.
Ashley: Alright, yes.
Young: Sign here. Excuse me, the door is ringing. Come in.
Mark: My girlfriend kicked me out.
Ashley: You lived with your girlfriend?
Young: You had a girlfriend?
Mark: No, I didn't live with her. We were together for a week. Then we broke up, and she sued me for Palimony. Got everything. All I got are these clothes and this TurboGrafx. She didn't want it.
Young: Can I have that TurboGrafx?
Mark: Sure, go right ahead. Can I crash here, for a while?
Young: Yeah, I think I got a spare room. Ask Julia for a renters manual.
Mark: Right. But if I hear as much as a single joke about me being a "rentboy", I will pound your head so hard that you will get a headache whenever you sit down.
Young: You can't. Ashleys contract clearly states that she will protect me against any and all harm, as long as she lives under my roof.
Ashley: What?
Mark: She lives here too now?
Young: Yes, two different people ask if they can rent a room for me, on the same day, minutes apart. If I did not know better, I would say that this was the work of a tired hack writer, desperate for more situations in which to put his characters.
Ashley: I will bring my stuff over, or, the stuff there is room for.
Mark: I got my stuff in this trashbag.
Young: Take the room on the left.
Mark: Left?
Young: Right.
Mark: Right?
Young: Shut up and go to your room.
Mark: To the left or right?
Young: Left.
Mark: Right.
Young: Left.
And so we continued for a few minutes, until we felt that the joke had run out of steam.