awakening viciously early

No, I did not go to bed early. I was awoken, 8 o'clock sharp, by the very feeling of chipperness in my house. Now, I am not a chipper person, and neither is anyone that I know, so this feeling disturbed me. I decided to just jump right into it, and opened my eyes. In front of me stood a late teen/early twenties, , short, redhaired, girl, with the biggest smile I have ever encountered.

"Hi!"
"Hi?"
"I'm Julia".
"Hello Julia".
"Hello!"
"Can I ask you a question, Julia?"
"Sure thing!".
"What are you doing in my house?"
"Oh, I am your new assistant, silly. Your momma hired me".
"Already?"
"Yeah, your momma and my momma are both in the Womens Welfare society, and she knew that I was looking for a job and that you needed an assistant".
"Okay, then".
"Oh, and I talked to your dad, and to answer his question, no, sexual favours are not part of my job".
"That's quite alright".
"Though I'm sure that people who do perform sexual favours for money are nice people".
"I'm sure they are".
A short beat.
"Well".
"Well what?"
"Well, aren't you gonna get up, Mr. Sleepyhead?"
"I might as well".

So, I got up. The newspaper was already in, which was good. What I usually do is that I stick a foot outside the door, and wait for the police to arrive, then ask for them to bring the newspaper. Breakfast has been made. A bowl of cornflakes, a peeled orange, and a cool glass of orange juice. So, I could get used to this assistant stuff. Then Denby showed up, and started dancing on my lawn. I am not entirely sure where he was going with this, but I know that I was slightly annoyed. Julia seemed to enjoy it.

"What a happy, happy man, you got on your front lawn".
"Yep. That's Denby... I think that he might be insane".
"No one that happy can be insane".
I let that comment slide. Denby continued dancing for a couple of more hours, before Julia took pity on him.
"I should bring him something to eat. All that dancing can really make you hungry".
So she made him a sandwhich. A nice one too. And she brought it to Denby. I was watching TV at the time, but from the frontyard I heard.

"Do you think I'm stupid? This is some kind of gag, right? Did your friend spit in it? Did he fill it with chili, so he could laugh at me? Is the filling made of plastic?"
Then he threw the sandwhich to the ground, and Julia came running in crying. Then I had to spend the next couple of hours comforting her, after she ran into my bathroom and locked the door.

"That nasty ol', mean ol' Mr. Denby. I made him a sandwhich, and he just yells at me".
"Yeah, you know, some people are just rotten".
"Why did he do that?"
"That man is not quite right in the head".
"He is just mean".
"That was kind of mean, yeah".
"Do you like me?"
"I guess..."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I think I do".
Then she ran out of the bathroom and gave me a hug. Her smudged make-up made a near perfect smileyhead on my T-shirt. Then I learned her to operate the tennis-ball shooter against Denby, who was still on the lawn.

A word of advice: Never get on the wrong side of a chipper person, because, boy, can they shoot.