A secret sees the light of day.

Hi. Ashley here. You might remember me from the occasional part in the continued story of the laziest man on earth. Julia was typing up old tapes, as [Name Deleted as per subprogram A113] tends to have her do when he is watching TV and wants her out of the way. I swear, that guy has tapes for everything. I mean, I have seen transcripts of conversations where I had no idea that he was taping. I think that he might have recorded everything he said or did from the last decade. Even if he didn't bother to log out of blogspot. So, anyway, I heard portions of a tape, that I think should be shared with you. He already prepared todays post, so I have exchanged it with this one.

Apparently, he has written a program to prevent his real name from being known, for some reason, even if he has no problem using mine, Marks and Julias names. So, I am just gonna call him... Young. As to make the transcript readable.

Mark: 'Sup, man.
[Beat]
Young: I have no respons for that. Julia?
Julia: "'Sup."
Young: 'Sup.
Mark: Hey, do you remember that girl that sat in front of us in class, next to that other girl.
Young: Left or right?
Mark: Left.
Young: Can't say that I do.
Mark: No wait, right.
Young: Oh yeah, the cute one with the glasses.
Mark: Yeah, I ran into her in town. She asked about you.
Young: Me?
Mark: Yeah, what you are up to, these days.
Young: What did you say?
Mark: I told her that you were arrested for a crime so weird that the judge had to option but to give you permanent house-arrest.
Young: How did she react?
Mark: About how anyone would react to finding out that guy they might ask out is not legally allowed to leave his house.
[Beat]
Young: Julia?
Julia: She said "Oh... Tell him I said hi, or, don't, or... Nevermind" and left before Mark could ask if he should give you her number.
Mark: Word for word.
Young: Orw!
Julia: Who is she?
Mark: Gretchen? A cute girl from school. Wore glasses. He had a crush on her. And I think that he could have had her, if he had not been shy.
Julia: Hey, mind if I ask you something personal.
Young: Yeah, but you are gonna ask anyway.
Julia: You can't stand germs, right?
Young: Right?
Julia: You wash hands twice an hour.
Young: Correct.
Julia: You bath a minimum of once a day, more if you think you need it.
Young: Yep.
Julia: You hate sweat.
Young: Where are you going with this.
Julia: Still, you have had sex...
Mark: Hey, yeah. Something is wrong, here.
Young: I am not sure what you are implying.
Mark: How are you able to have sex when you are afraid of just about everything that it involves.
Young: ...
Mark: Hey, get away from that taperecorder! This should be saved for posterity.
Young: I'll save it for your posterity! Gimme that!
Mark: If you can reach it, short stuff.
Julia: Hey, if you haven't had sex, what does Denby think that you did with his daughter.
Mark: Why does he think that you had sex with her?
Young: ...
Mark: You told him that you did, didn't you?
Young: No I... Hey, The Daily Show is on.
Julia: Why would you do that?
Mark: Wait, so those conquest stories that you told me...
Julia: Oooooh...
Mark: Oh what?
Julia: Nothing...

Then Young starts blabbering about the Daily Show, which, basically, should have been todays post. Afterwards, Mark starts singing "Like a virgin", or, he sings the title again and again, apparently because he doesn't know more than that bit. And Julia keeps reassuring that Young that there is nothing wrong with it while Young is explaining the ickyness of sex ("too many fluids and germs and sweat and yuck"). And I decides to be here Monday at 11.59 AM, to see his reaction when this post goes up.