Life in tapes

Hi, Julia here. The boss is busy watching TV. Its weird, but it is the show with that really old phonebooth, only, now the guy travelling in it is Moe, but I can't see Larry, Shemp or any of the Curlies anywhere. Instead there is this cute guy who is wearing a skirt, but the boss claims that he is "straight as an arrow", whatever that means. They are fighting, like, robotmen with handles on their head. Anyway, I reminded him that he should remember to update his blog, but he just threw me a tape that he had lying around and said "Transcribe this". So I did. I am writing my bosses name as "boss", since he doesn't really want me to tell you his real name. I dunno why. His real name is not Boss. That is a silly name. Anywho, as he always says:


Mark: Whatcha got there, dude?
Boss: Found me dictaphone. I'm just sitting here, playing with it.
Mark: I am so gonna steal that thing and edit the first sentence out.
Boss: Hehe.
Mark: How is this whole secretary thing working out for you.
Boss: Assistant, Mark. She is my assistant. And it is working out pretty good.
Mark: She seems a bit... vapid, doesn't she?
Boss: Yes, but I get the sneaking suspicion that a lot more is going on inside of that pretty head.
Mark: Yeah, the word "shiny" is chanted repeatedly.
Boss: No, no, I think that she might be smarter than we give her credit for.
Mark: Nah, probably just "shiny", and what about that hot little thing across the street, huh? Huh? You tappin' that? Huh? A bit of the old in'n'out? Huh? The Horisontal Hula? Huh? Putting the caddle out to graze? Huh? Playing The Yakkety Sax? Huh? Painting the garage? Huh? Surfing the Pacific? Nudging the Saynomore? Huh? Grabbing the bus to...
Ashley: Oi! I am right here.
Mark: Well, so you are.
Ashley: Yeah. I have been here for fifteen minutes.
Mark: Oh. So before I started euphemising.
Boss: She was sitting five feet away, you git!
Ashley: I gave you that Cornetto.
Mark: You did not. That redheaded one...
Boss: Julia.
Mark: Yeah, she gave it to me.
Boss: She's not here. She went to visit her parents, out in the country.
Mark: Since when?
Boss: Since yesterday.
Mark: But where did I get this Cornetto?
Ashley: Are you high?
Boss: Shiny.
Ashley: Hey, have you guys ever done drugs?
Boss: Why?
Ashley: Come on, I wanna know. I love gossip. I feed on gossip. I am woman, hear me digest on tabloids and juicy anecdotes. Come on, have you done drugs.
Mark: Define "drugs".
Ashley: You know, like, extacy.
Mark: I have given quite a lot of it.
Boss: I am more of a downer kind of guy.
Ashley: Really? You have done drugs?
Boss: No?
Ashley: Come one, tell me.
Boss: No, tell me about your drug use.
Ashley: Okay. Back when I was 16, I used to smoke pot with with my friend Kerri.
Mark: Dopefiend in the house.
Ashley: Come on, I want to know stuff about you. Mark shares everything about himself, wheter you want to or not, but you never talk about your past. Come on. Tell me something seedy and weird that you have done.
Boss: I have done nothing wrong. Ever.
Ashley: There has to be something unusual and dark in your past.
Boss: No. I'm normal. I'm human. A normal young human male.
Mark: He is right. Except for, like, one one-night stand, he has done nothing weird, ever.
Ashley: Oh, that creepy guys slutty girl?
Mark: That's the one.
Ashley: How did he ever get clean?
Mark: He filled a tub with rubbing alcohol and he burned his bedsheets.
Ashley: So you have done nothing wrong, ever? No juniors running around?
Boss: Nope.
Ashley: No addictions?
Boss: No. Well, I do love to watch the Smurfs, but I can quit anytime.
Ashley: No physical defects?
Boss: I can't grow a beard.
Ashley: No weird obsessions?
Boss: Oh, tons of those
Ashley: Oh, right. But, if you ran for leader of this country, what would they find.
Boss: Nothing. That is my ludicrous claim, and I stand by it.

Then the tape ran out. And my boss thinks that I am pretty and smart, so, all in all, this was a good day.