Trying in vain to fix Herb and Jamaal.

Where to begin. First, let me outline where this strip goes wrong, over the course of the four panels.Oooh, this is bad. Panel 2 is a forced line, because the writer probably throught of the gag first. And I use the word "gag" as in "Gag me with a spoon". Panel 3 and 4, he cut the punchline in half because he could not make it fill 4 panels. And not even a good punchline. In fact, shouldn't it actually leave a stain? Perhaps it could have burned through his shirt?

Let us try to put the comic into other mediums. Let us make it a bit from a novel. I don't know who is who in the comic, but there is a 50% chance that I am right, unless it is a Barney Google thing, and Jamaal left the strip in 1975. Anyway:

Herb coughed and made a face.
-Man, this coffee is strong, he said.
It tasted as if it had been made with a bucket full of coffeebeans and a spoonfull of water, and had been boiling for two days. The kind of coffee that one could place a paperweight on, without it sinking. Jamaal poked his head out from the kitchen.
-Could you tell that by its taste? He asked.
Herb shot him an angry stare.
-Ofcourse I could taste it, you idiot. How else would I have known that it was strong? What are you, retarded? He was yelling, at this point, partly due to Jamaals incredible idiocy, partly due to the scolding burns he had gotten when he spilled coffee on himself.

Oh, wait, that was not how it went. That was how it went in my mind. The comic went on to a stupid joke.

Lets try to make it into a standard joke.

A man goes into a bar. He says to the bartender "I will have a cup of your strongest coffee". The bartender abides and gives him a really strong cup of coffee. The man pours the coffee on his shirt. He says, "Not strong enough". The bartender gives him an even stronger cup of coffee. The man again pours the coffee out on his shirt. "No, still not strong enough". The Bartender gives him the strongest coffee that the maker is able to make. Again, the man pours the coffee on his shirt. The bartender asks, "Why are you pouring the coffee on your shirt?". The man says, "If I get a really strong cup, maybe it will disolve these coffeestains on my shirt". The bartender looks at him and says "You idiot, it doesn't work like that, you are just going to get more and more stains!".

Whoa, maybe I should have stopped the joke a line earlier. Not that it is any funnier.

Let me tell you about Herb and Jamaal. I am not a regular reader of Herb and Jamaal, but I got the Houston Chronicle comic thingie on full, and this is one of the comics they got to offer. Herb and Jamaal is a serious so afraid to take chances that he fails to spectacularly in doing anything. For example, there was a strip some time ago "Did you hear about that rich heiress" or some sort. So afraid to actually name her, probably because they think that it will date it. And "Did you see that new romantic movie in the cinema?". As if it was so hard to come up with even a phony romantic movie title. Here, let me show you. Ahem: Burning Hearts. In Love in Lissabon. Trust and Love. Three perfectly good titles, instead of some vague suggestion of a current movie.
Look at Garfield. No references to when it takes place. It could take place in 1978 or it could take place today. No vague references to something current. They might not take many chances, but they do it with style, down at Pawn Inc. Herb and Jamaal is on a fools quest for timelessness, but it will never win.

I have been trying to fix it for two days now, but, dammit, it is not easy when three quarters has to go. This was what I came up with.If you can't read it, the strip now goes:
Herb (I have chosen to presume that the small one is Herb": Man, this coffee is strong!
Jamaal: I throught you liked it strong.
Herb: Yes, but I spilled some on the floor. It started smoking, grew a beard and said it was heading for Cuba.
Coffeestain: Call me Papa.

Hemingway jokes, that is what the kids want, right? It is not perfect, but it blows the lame punchline of the original strip out of the water. I did not want to come up with a new punchline. I would have been more than happy, had there been a way to make the original punchline funny. I know, I gave Marvin sort of a pass yesterday, but it was my first strip. From now on, no strip leaves here not funny. Or at least funnier than it arrived.