Just what the doctor ordered!

One of the Aquino twins were just over. That is the name if my doctors. She diagnosed me with a light cold, that should blow over in a couple of days. I insisted, though, and she gave me some pills. Oxyphentynontylite. And, I feel much better already. I feel light as a cloud. I haven't felt this good in a long time. This is good.

Feelin' sick

My throat feels skratchy. I think that I might be coming down with something. Like, bubonic plague. Or, smallpox. Is smallpox still around? I hope that it is not smallpox. What are the symptoms? Skratchy throat? Is skratchy throat a symptom? I would go check Wikipedia, but I had to stop going there. Seems I was picking up new phobias. Is my voice turning hoarse? No, I am just being informed that my voice has always sounded like this. And she is sure that my voice was never anywhere like James Earl Jones'. But I will deny the accusations that it is more like Daffy Duck's. Is my hand shaking? I am being told that it is not. Is it shaking? I think that it is shaking. My vision is getting blurry. My assistant just handed me my glasses. It was blurry without them, though.

I should call the doctor. I need a doctor. A good one, with an anti-plague cure.

Watching the Neighbourhood

Ashley: Seriously, is that necessary?
Young: They keywords in Neighbourhood Watch is Watch... And Neighbourhood.
Ashley: But people don't want to be spied on with a telescope. It makes them feel uncomfortable.
Young: Neighbourhood Watch. Hey, Mrs. Fenwick didn't clean up after her dog! Attention Mrs. Fenwick. Clean up after Poochy. I will not warn twice.
Ashley: That is another thing.
Young: What, the megaphone?
Ashley: That, and the potato-cannon.
Young: Is this because I shot it at your sister when she did that lousy parking yesterday?
Ashley: Partly. With the power invested in my by Old Man Wickles, I hereby relieve you off all neighbourhood watch duty.
Young: You can't do that!
Ashley: Old Man Wickles said I could.
Young: Old Man Wickles also says that dogs can't look up.
Ashley: So what?
Young: Bah. I am gonna start my own neighbourhood watch. With black-jack and slots.
Ashley: With what?
Young: Onearmed Bandits.
Ashley: Oh. No you can't. This area with not zoned for casinoes.
Young: Then I will just watch my own house. It will be safe from trespassers and non-poop-pickuppers. You hear that Jules.
Julia: Yes, no trespassing. And no no-poop-pickup-in-a-tiny-bag-to-be-disposed-of-properlying inside these four walls.

Neighbourhood Watch

There has been a couple of break-ins in the neighbourhood. Of course, with me being a convicted criminal, suspicion fell on me. That theory sort of fell together when it was realised that I cannot leave the house without all the police in town arriving at my door. Granted, that is two people, but still. They have not registered any sort of outdoors activity. All my tennis have been limited to Wii. Before I was locked up, I never played Tennis.

Anyway, it was decided to start a neighbourhood-watch-group. So, that if anyone sees something suspecious, they call the police. [Sarcasm]Because, ordinarily, people would just go "meh" and let the criminals work in peace[/Sarcasm]. Anyway, they asked Old Man Wickles to be the leader. He is a retired cop, who now spends his days telling neighbourhood kids to get off his lawn. And of me to stop shooting my potatocannon out the window. He has about equal luck with both of those tasks. So, if he can tell criminals to get of other peoples lawns too, I think that he will be happy.

A betlosin' man.

Ashley: Hi there. Whatcha doing?
Young: Just the regular. Nothing spectacular.
Ashley: ...Are you alright?
Young: Just peachy and fine. All of the time.
Ashley: Why are you rhyming?
Young: I lost a bet. Now I am feeding the pet.
Ashley: You lost a bet and now has to feed the dog? Where does the rhyming come in?
Young: The pet thing was just to find a rhyme. The wager was, rhyme all the time.
Ashley: You are good at rhyming.
Young: My grandparents write songs of protest, it is just what they do. I once helped them write one for Peru.
Ashley: Whatever. Wanna play Mario Kart?
Young: Verily, thy butt will be kicked and names be took. The Princess is no match for Wario, the lovable crook.
Ashley: Names be took?
Young: I will admit, the rhyme wasn't good. "Names be took" my left foot.
Ashley: Mario Kart?
Young: DoubleDash, here I come. The master of speed and the drinker of rum.
Ashley: If you wanna play, shut up.

A bettin' man.

Julia: Nah-ah. You are wrong!
Young: I am not. I am very correct.
Julia: Nope. You missed one.
Young: Zummi, Grammi, Gruffy, Tommi, Sunni, Cubbi, Gusto, Cavin, Gregor, Calla, Igthorn, and Toadie. Those were all the regular characters.
Julia: If there is something I know, it is cartoons about cuddly bears. And you missed a regular character.
Young: Wanna bet?
Julia: How much?
Young: How much do you want to part with?
Julia: The loser has to go around in nothing but underwear all day.
Young: I have no interest in watching you in your underwear.
Julia: The loser has to talk in rhyme for an entire day.
Young: Deal.
Julia: Tuxford.
Young:... DANG IT!
Julia: *Ahem*
Young: *Sigh*. I appear to have lost the bet. I forgot about him, darn my forgetsome head.

Face your Manga!

In what I can only assume was a massive explosion of boredom, Julia made these, of the regular characters in my on-going story, on some website.

Me. Though, I rarely dress that nicely. And my hairdue is more in the area of... Chaos.
Julia. Nicely dressed. She says "thank you".
Ashley. Wearing her very favourite T-shirt.
Mark. Looking somewhat like a quarterback.

Though, anyone who has tried it knows how hard it is to make it look like yourself. So, it doesn't really look like anyone, so I am not sure why I even posted it.

It is being brought to my attention that it is because I have to post twice a week. Thank you.

Welcome doggie.

Ashley: Hey, that is a nice dog. She is so cute!
Julia: Thank you.
Ashley: What is her name?
Young: Sandy.
Ashley: That is a great name for a dog. We used to have a dog called Butch, when I was a child. That was a great dog.
Young: What was that dog named after?
Ashley: Nothing. We just throught that it was a good name for a dog. Did name your dog after something?
Young:...
Julia:...
Young: "Sandy Frank"
Julia: "Sandy Frank"
Young and Julia: "He's the source of all our pain"
Young: "Sandy Frank"
Julia: "Sandy Frank"
Young and Julia: "Gads about the house all day"
Ashley: Ye Gods. For that, you owe me a beer.
Young: In the fridge. I only got Guiness... "Sandy Frank"
Julia: "Sandy Frank"
Young and Julia: "Spielberg won't return his calls"...

Another new resident

Julia: Hey, Young...
Young: I told you how I want to be referred to.
Julia: I am not gonna call you Mistah Boss-man. I won that bet.
Young: Fair enough. What is it, (*Shudder*) Milady.
Julia: Well, I have this friend and her and her boyfriend just broke up and, y'know, they had this...
Young: Proceed.
Julia: Well, they had, well, she still has, this labrador.
Young: An eskimo?
Julia: No, a dog.
Young: Ah.
Julia: Anyway, she has this labrador and she can't have it anymore, because she is moving into an apartment with this guy named Jan, which is funny, because her name is Jan too, and Jan, the boy Jan, he has a cat, which is allowed in the apartment provided that they stay indoors, but dogs are not allowed, so I was wondering...
Young: Is it yellow?
Julia: Yes?
Young: Yes, we can have a dog.
Julia: Yay! Can I give you a hug!
Young: No.
Julia: ...
Young: ...
Julia: ...
Young: Okay, a short one.
Julia: Yay! ... Hey, wait a minute, is the only reason that you allow this that I have to walk the dog, because you can't leave the house?
Young: Partly. And because if I smell even the faintest whiff or poop indoors, I will personally sell the dog to a loving family. So, if it has an accident, you better be around to fix it before I enter the room.
Julia: Yes Sir!
Young: Thats more like it.

Year Two: A new Year

So, I was sitting around, minding my own business, watching Monty Python, when this little redheaded girl came over to me and said "Hey, did you remember to update your blog?". I said "I will do it in the new year". Well, apparently, we are not on chinese new year. Yes, it came as a surprise for me too. And what is worse, I am not chinese, apparently. Just a white guy of european origin. Probably scandinavian.



So, anyway, I will try to be better at updating this year.

Twas the night before the rhyme

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except a guy acting scouse
He was playing Ringo, the lovable brit
And generally acting as if being high of his tits
He wasn't really, he was just bored
"Locked in my house", he angrily snored
The blond neighbour babe said "Your own damn fault"
"And don't call be babe, or your eyes will get salt".
The tall guy in the corner said "I am not gonna rhyme"
While the readhead brought the shorter guy a lager and lime.
"But you hate lager and lime" said the redheaded spoilsport
"And I bet that you can't rhyme that" she said with a...



"Dang, you were right", he said, and found a thesaurus.
For he had lent his rhyming-dictionary to his neighbour Morris.
"Another word for spoilsport", he said out loud.
"There is no such thing", said the tall, non-rhyming, jerk.
"You can make me rhyme!", said the redheaded girl.
"You can make me rhyme, for exampel, words like Luggage and Twirl".
"Why are we doing this?", said the girl from next door
While the short guy was looking for a word that wasn't "floor".
"I throught you had written down the true story about us saving Chris Mess"
"Yes, I did, but I found it listless".
"Maybe next year we can do that, but for now
Chris Mess is safe from Denbys cow*".
"Wait", said the redhead "Chris Mess from down the road?"
"For a second I throught it was the holiday (Perhaps this is a forebode!)
So, see you all next year, my no doubt millions of fans and friends.
End of year one, but we will be back again!


*Long story, and to short a rhyme.
And I am rapidly running out of lager and lime.

Anniversary?

Young: "Jules, how long have I been blogging? A few weeks now?"
Julia: "No, it must have been at least five years now."
Young: "What, no. I was locked up, like, last month. I was blogging for a few days before that".
Julia: "No no, I started working here about five years ago, and you were already blogicating by then".
Young: "Is blogicating a real word? No matter, I will not hear it in my house ever again".
Ashley: "Hey, whattup?"
Young: "Ashley, how long have I been blogging?"
Ashley: "You moved in here, what, in March or so? You had already been blogging for several months then."
Julia: "No, he was blogging before I started working here, years ago".
Ashley: "No, you started blogging a few months before you moved in, earlier this year, and you were hired a couple of weeks later. End of story".
Young: "No, I think it was a few weeks ago since I started".
Julia: "No, several years ago".
Ashley: "Let us just check your to see when you started".
Young: "You're on! Lessee, *mumble mumble*"
Julia: "Why are you saying mumble mumble?"
Young: "Silence. Lessee, last page... One year ago... today?"
Ashley: "Told ya!"
Young: ..."Someone must have hacked my account and changed all the dates!"
Julia: "Yeah, they are all way behind what they are supposed to be!"
Young: "You mean way ahead"
Julia: "Behind!"
Young: "Ahead!"
Ashley: "Hey, whatever happened to Denby? He was a lot around in the early days".
Young: "Good question. I should give him a call. Just to remind him what I did to his daughter!"
Ashley: "Or, what he thinks that you did to his daughter that you were actually to germophobic to do and which she played along with because of an obsessive need to anger her father".
Young: ..."Are you still in my house?"
Ashley: "Yes I am. Wanna play Mario Kart?"
Young: "Sure".
Julia: "Yay, Mario Kart!"

I read a man on the run was able to update his blog

So how come I never seem to get around to it until the last moment or several days late?

A little bit Country

Julia: I got that CD that you wanted.
Mark: Great!
Young: Hey, what are you two crazy kids up to?
Mark: You are five days older than me.
Young: Thank you, but my question wasn't "How much older than you am I?".
Julia: Mark asked me to pick of a Greatest Hits of Country CD.
Young: You like country?
Mark: It is for my cousin... Bob...be...rick... Jackson.
Young: Bobberick Jackson?
Julia: Why didn't he buy the CD?
Mark: It is my christmas gift for cousin... Bobberick. That guy loves country.
Young: Why didn't you buy it?
Mark: I am an icon of sexiness in this town. My attractiveness would severely drop if it was re... rumoured that I love country. I simply cannot be seen near such a CD.
Julia: Wait, were you about to say revealed?
Young: Nice catch, Jule. Were you?
Mark: Alright, I confess. I got two ears and a heart, so sue me!
Young: I didn't think that you cared for 30 Rock.
Mark: Tina Fey is hot, so sue me!
Young: I can't disagree, but, I swear if you tell me to sue you one more time..
Mark: I like that phrase, so sue me!
Young: That is it. Julia, get my lawyer on the phone!

Speedy Delivery

*Doorbell*
Young: "Now, who could that be?"
Deliveryguy: "I got a package. It got this adress, and then just "Julia".
Young: "Yes, she lives here."
Deliveryguy: "Could you tell her to tell whoever sent this that you need to write the full name of the recipient?"
Young: "I am not sure that she has last name. She is like Cher that way. I should find out if she got one".
Deliveryguy: "Riiiight. Sir, if you could just sign here".
Young: "Alright. I'll just write my Button Gwynnett".
Deliveryguy: "Whatever."
Young: "Here you go".
Deliveryguy: "That's your name?"
Young: "What of it?"
Deliveryguy: "Nothing. Nothing..."
*Door slams*
Young: "No good, rotten, stinkin'... JULIA!"
Julia: "Yo!"
Young: "Stop saying that. I got a package that needs attending."
Julia: "I told your father when I was hired..."
Young: "What, no! Mind of my stuff! A guy just dropped this off".
Julia: "What is it?"
Young: "I always forget to ask".
Julia: "Lets see..."
Young: "Hey, do you have a last name?"
Julia: "No. I'm like Cher, that way."
Young: "Alright, what have you got...?"
*Beat*
Julia: "Is that...?"
Young: "It most certainly looks that way".
Julia: "It is from my sister".
Young: "Your sister gives you stuff like that?"
Julia: "Apparently."
Young: "Is it something that you wished for?"
Julia: "Who would want something like that, especially when living in a tectonic relationship with your employer".
Young: "You mean platonic. Platonic means "without romance"."
Julia: "What does Tectonic mean?"
Young: "Moving of the continents".
Julia: "Well, there will be none of that in this house, mister".
Young: "I know. I wrote that rule".